The View From Here

It's All About Choices
by Jane Murphy

Every day we have choices to make what to wear, what to eat. Most choices reflect our inner identities. However, when faced with what appear to be insurmountable obstacles, people often feel they have no choice. The truth is, we have a choice over almost everything.

In July 2008, my life was rolling along at a smooth, pleasant pace. My youngest child had just graduated high school, my husband and I had just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and I was celebrating three years free from the bondage of prescription medication and alcohol dependence. It seemed like, after a number of years of struggle, everything in my life was falling into place.

But on August 7, 2008, I found a lump in my breast as I was dressing for bed. I didnt give it much thought, but called my doctors office the next day and was fit into their schedule that same day. I told the doctor that I thought it was probably a clogged milk duct and she agreed. She gave me a prescription for an antibiotic, but ordered an urgent mammogram and ultrasound just to be on the safe side. It wasnt my first time having these tests, so when the radiologist came in after the tests were done and told me that I had to return two days later for a biopsy, I knew that it wasnt just a clogged milk duct. Still, I wasnt worried because both my mother and I had a history of fibrocystic breasts. I did start to worry, however, when I asked the radiologist who performed the biopsy what the possible diagnoses could be and she told me she couldnt think of any diagnosis other than cancer.

When my doctor called me two days later and asked if I could come to her office as soon as possible, I knew she wasnt calling to give me good news. Within minutes, I was sitting next to my doctor being told I had breast cancer and that she had already scheduled an appointment for me with a surgeon. Within the span of a week, my life had gone from bliss to bust.

Now I was faced with choices: choices about what my treatment would be (although my options were limited), choices about whom I should tell and how and a choice about how I was going to let it affect my life. I had cancer, now what was I going to do about it? I could throw in the towel and give up right then and there. After all, life as I knew it was over. Things would never be the same for me and my family. But I chose not to take that route. I had cancer I had no choice over that. I did have a choice whether I was going to be miserable and make the lives of those around me miserable as well.

I had a modified radical mastectomy early in September. While I was in the hospital, the doctors and nurses commented on what an amazing attitude I had. They wished all of their patients had my attitude. My attitude was one of the few things I had a choice over. Why spend it wallowing in anger and self-pity? Those emotions would not cure my cancer nor could they ease my pain. I decided that I was going to use my cancer diagnosis as a positive experience. My faith assures me that my life is in Gods hands and it is not my place to question His motives.

Instead of dwelling on my treatments and their related side effects, I chose to make a gratitude list daily. Sometimes I write it down. Other times, it is just a mental note. But every day, I can find something to be grateful for. I have a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator. I have a loving and caring family and friends who are ready to walk this journey with me. My children are healthy and happy. I am able to get out of bed every day, dress myself and move freely about my house and about my country. I have access to top-rate medical care. I have a right to worship who/what and where I choose.

Regardless of the circumstances, we all have choices. We can choose how we react to an unkind word or an unfortunate event. We can get hurt feelings or get angry which, in the long run, hurts no one but us. We can choose how we react to bad weather, clogged drains and broken shoe laces. Our choices can make or break us. Our choices affect us mind, body and spirit. None of us knows what lies ahead, but we can choose how we are going to handle each moment. I choose to handle my moments with grace, dignity, sobriety and gratitude and I hope to serve as an example to others.

Jane is a breast cancer survivor who lives in Millerton with her husband and daughter. She also has two sons living in Virginia Beach.

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